


Abstract or Concrete

by VoyagerWisp



Category: Umineko no Naku Koro ni | When the Seagulls Cry
Genre: Abandonment, Depression, F/F, Higurashi references, Love, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 17:26:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3455621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoyagerWisp/pseuds/VoyagerWisp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love is everywhere. Wishing for it is the same as wishing for air.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Abstract or Concrete

Time didn't pass quickly, not even since the amount of time she'd existed had gone well into hundreds of thousands of days. Nor did it pass more slowly, with her endless hours boring her to tears with nothing new to do. It was just an endless stretch of boredom, which Bernkastel wasn't sure was preferable to the pain the tedious feeling had replaced. So she simply stagnated, shying away from the extended sea of fragments, remaining in limbo.

What did she do when feeling this kind of monotony as a human? Thinking further, the witch recalled that she hadn't felt it much at all. The repetition of her existence might cause such a feeling, but the anxiety overrode it. She had to think back more, much longer to when she hadn't had this kind of existence at all. The boredom she'd thought she'd felt as a small child now seemed trite, but Bernkastel could recall she'd felt it would be lifted when she'd played with her friends.

Such pointless games, wondering if she'd defeat her opponents with the lucky draw of a card or roll of the dice. In a way, the games paralleled her awful situation, but in the abstract, it was all enjoyable. With her friends by her side, laughing and joking with her, even when things got more serious, it didn't remind her of suffering at all. And then, even when she'd played the same game over and over enough to have memorized every move, it was almost like seeing a favorite movie again, only far better, since she'd get to see the expressions and reactions of real people, her friends.

Company really might be nice, Bernkastel considered as her time stretched further on and on, a the same time knowing her human friends couldn't exist here. This was a plane reserved for the most detestable of creatures, such as herself and the one that had abandoned her. Bernkastel practically choked on her grievances toward this entity, though that witch considered Bernkastel to be more a 'pet', and couldn't much be bothered to atone for her sins.

Instead, that loathsome witch would curtly and calmly explain that her sins weren't sins at all before ignoring Bernkastel and then finding a better story to get absorbed in or just pretending to be dead for days, weeks, and then years on end. Thinking about this for too long, Bernkastel often became infuriated, bringing the bitter sorrow inside her to a boil with no place for it to dissipate to.

Feeling the minutes tick by on yet another day, Bernkastel continued to think of this witch, this 'god', despite knowing better. Everything that detestable 'god' had done, everything that should have been done instead, but never would be, continued to circle though her mind unrelentingly. Bernkastel imagined ripping her former master apart in a literal sense. Would the Witch of Miracles be so boring to be around then?

"Bern," a quiet, sing-songy voice rang out in the middle of the dark void Bernkastel had decided to stagnate in.

The sound broke her solitude, and jolted the Witch of Miracles to a more alert form of consciousness. Bernkastel knew right away who the newcomer was, and the appearance stirred her once dormant initiative to move or do anything at all. Bernkastel turned to face this witch, though that was all she was willing to do.

Lambdadelta grinned as she did so. "I told you it was certain I'd see you again."

Bernkastel snorted, not smiling though the statement was ridiculous. It referred to Lambdadelta's title as the 'Witch of Certainty', a description almost as ridiculous as Bernkastel's own 'Witch of Miracles'. Bernkastel couldn't bring impossible miracles into existence, and Lambdadelta, though both lucky and talented, couldn't guarantee anything with complete certainty. Her defeat at Bernkastel's hand proved that.

"Are you bored or something?" Lambdadelta said. As she spoke, she waved her hand, bringing to light a room filled with plush furniture, bright, colorful lights, and candy.

Bernkastel's expression did change as the transformation of setting assaulted her senses. Her lips moved to a frown, and she closed her eyes, turning away from Lambdadelta. The Witch of Certainty's casual question was even more grating than the obnoxious surroundings. What right did the other witch have to ask about things like that?

"You are, right?" Lambdadelta continued the one-sided conversation about the obvious. "Come with me then, I'll find something you'll be interested in."

"Can you guarantee that?" Bernkastel asked, knowing better.

"Of course! I am the Witch of Certainty after all," Lambdadelta said.

Bernkastel could have groaned, but instead looked away. "I'm not going anywhere," she said. As she spoke, she performed her own 'magic', splitting Lambdadelta's pretty room in two, revealing a grey sky outside, then moved another finger to burn what was left.

Lambdadelta put a finger to her chin, before looking back at Bernkastel. "Hmm... Is something wrong?"

Again, a simple but infuriating question given to Bernkastel. Was she bored? Of course. Was something wrong? Always. Why did this fool need to rub it in her face? The answer to her stupid questions was yes, 'with certainty'.

As Bernkastel internally cursed the company she'd wished to have, Lambdadelta's expression completely changed. The Witch of Certainty gave a melancholy frown before replacing it with a forced smile, all of her put on decorum vanishing. "It's alright, Bern. I understand."

Bernkastel's frowned sharpened as she glared at Lambdadelta. "It should be a crime to say that so easily. The punishment should be to cut out your tongue, so I don't have to listen to any of your nonsense again," she snapped.

Lambdadelta nodded. "Even when you talk like that, it's fine, because I really do understand."

"Shut up," Bernkastel said quietly, shutting her eyes to remove all of the noise from her mind. "There's nothing that you understand... What do you know about being banished to this void with no love?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" Lambdadelta said, smiling wryly. She sat a moment in silence before breaking it with a chuckle. "But really Bern, there's no need to fret about any of that. I used to, but now I know the truth."

"What's that?" Bernkastel asked, not even for a moment allowing herself any hope from the lie that this place might not be all that she knew it was. Still, she looked at Lambdadelta, allowing the other witch to answer.

"Love is everywhere," Lambdadelta declared. As she spoke, she changed the setting to a rose garden. Petals rained around them, almost like something out of a shoujo manga. "It's all around us, around everyone. Wishing for it is the same as wishing for air."

Unaffected by her new surroundings, Bernkastel began to take that in. It was true. Love was the same as air. Without it, a human suffered and eventually died. So since there was no love in her continued 'life', that was the explanation for Bernkastel's continued suffering. She was gasping for an air that wasn't around her. But she wasn't capable of death, not really being a 'person' anymore, so continued to 'live'. Thinking of herself as a ghost in a vacuum, Bernkastel gasped, falling forward.

"Hey!" Lambdadelta exclaimed, grabbing her fellow witch. "Don't go dying on me now. That's not befitting at all for someone that defeated me!"

Bernkastel pushed Lambdadelta away, standing on her own despite how painful it was to do so. Having Lambdadelta around was something different at first, but Bernkastel decided she'd now rather have the other witch leave rather than stay and rip open her wounds. "I won't die. I can't. So just leave. Find someone else to be the target of your hate," Bernkastel said coldly.

Lambdadelta had nothing to say to that, though her expression turned to a more neutral one. Her lip almost started to shake, but then she put on a smile again while seemingly pushing herself to talk. "But I love you, Bern. Haven't I said that before?"

Now that Bernkastel thought about it, yes, Lambdadelta had declared love many times before that. One might interpret her always coming back to Bernkastel as a way to try and find revenge for the humiliation of defeat, and the declarations as being derisive of the concept. But couldn't this girl's persistent pursuit of her be 'love' just the same as any other?

At first, Bernkastel had just seen it as mocking. The way Lambdadelta had acted in the past was the opposite of love. That persistent torture, keeping her trapped in a web of mystery before she could finally win. It was a web of cruelty.

But then again, Lambdadelta had never left her alone there.

No, Lambdadelta's actions weren't the opposite of love. Feeling the opposite of love wouldn't lead to centuries of spending, what was in a way, intimate time with the other. Complete lack of love would have lead way to abandonment, if not during the 'game', then after Bernkastel had 'won' at last. The obsession the Witch of Certainty had with the Witch of Miracles was a definite kind of love in itself.

The opposite of love would be what Bernkastel's 'master' had done, leaving her in solitude when the game got too boring. "Can't you just stay for one more round?" Bernkastel had asked before her former master left, trying and likely failing to not have the request sound like begging. "I'm sure we can unravel things if we give it another try."

That cruel witch hadn't even bothered to respond, just turned her head, giving the smallest of sighs before leaving Bernkastel for good. Though even that tiny reaction could have been wishful thinking. Bernkastel's story had just been one of many diversions after all. Lambdadelta was wrong, no love could be found there, Bernkastel had just been left in a desert. There was no one to share her thoughts with, no one mourn the setbacks, no one to celebrate the insights. No one to hate her, no one to love her, just that abandoner's hollow piece on the board, telling Bernkastel's 'human' side not even have any hope for success.

But Lambdadelta had still been there, laughing at her opponents downfalls, sulking as she came closer to the answer, never giving up. Even now, Bernkastel's rival remained.

"I really do love you," Lambdadelta drawled, looking away with a blush. Seeing Lambdadelta fidget, Bernkastel considered the other witch may realize just how ridiculous her word were. "Why don't you come with me? You _can't_ just leave me alone. Why don't you give me another chance to beat you?" the Witch of Certainty almost rambled.

Bernkastel smirked. Despite her put on 'certainty', of course this witch could be left alone with no company or care, just like anyone could. Bernkastel could be just like her former master and leave this begging girl alone. But she wanted to pick up the love that was being so graciously offered. It might relieve her ailments for just a second. "You'd better not bore me."

"No way!" Lambdadelta insisted. "I didn't the first time, did I?"

"Hmph." Bernkastel didn't respond further, other than to reach out for Lambdadelta's hand. Hesitating only a moment, Bernkastel went with her out into the endless sea of fragments.


End file.
